Bridging the Gap

Hello my dear friends!

I do hope that your journey into 2019 has gotten off to a good start. As for mine...well, let me just say it looks like there will very well be a few twists and turns...even a pothole or two...or a huge chasm in need of a bridge.

Remember I said I'd share with you some recent progress on the Tennessee property? Well, that is what this post was supposed to be about...yes, we have a bridge! I started to write this post before Christmas with the intent of sharing just that...and here it is...no more wading across or riding the four-wheeler across the creek...unless you want to, that is.

But sometimes, just when we think we have a good handle on the plan God has for us, well...

we just don't!

For the past couple of months, I have been feeling a little not-so-great...episodes of nausea, mid-back pain, chills...more often than not it seemed. There were also some other choice symptoms that we don't need to go into. 😒 A couple of weeks ago I experienced what I thought could be a kidney stone. The episode was short-lived but I had already made an appointment with my doctor so I kept it. All lab work was normal and my pain was gone but she wanted me to get a CT of my kidney and abdomen ASAP. I left her office and went straight to the hospital for the scan. The next day after the results were read, I was scheduled for an MRI, ordered STAT...that's more than a little bit scary on it's own. The CT had shown a spot on my pancreas that wasn't on a previous CT that I had at the end of last October, only two months earlier. So earlier this week, I met with my GI doctor to explain the results to me. The news hit me like a brick up the side of my head. I apparently have a tumor growing on the outside of the back side of my pancreas, thus the back pain. And not the typical place for pancreatic cancer to grow. The chance of malignancy is quite great, but there is a slight chance it is not. The blood test for a certain cancer marker rated only a 1...which could have been in the 100s or even 1000s! It is possible that what is growing could be an abscess which could also be detected by the cancer marker test. So that is what I'm clinging to until I hear the results of the biopsy that I will be having this coming Wednesday. Because the tumor is growing around the two main arteries that go up into the liver, it is not in a place that is operable and could only be treated with chemo if it is indeed cancerous.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6 

Telling Jim, our boys and the rest of the family and loved ones has been a surreal experience. Were those words really coming out of my mouth? There is no real way to describe the feeling. So the past few days have been a whirlwind of meeting with the oncologist, ordering more tests and trying to let the reality of whatever this thing is sink in. Of course I don't have all of the information yet, but if it is malignant, I will most likely start chemo by the end of the month.

So why am I telling you all my business anyway? Because I think that many of us here in Blogland are connected at the heart...maybe even kindred spirits if you will...and we care deeply for each other. Many of you have prayed for me and my son, Aaron, and those prayers have been felt...God has done and is still doing wondrous things! I have prayed for many of you as well. That's what friends who put their faith in the Lord do, right? We intercede for each other when it's hard to even mouth the words, ourselves.

So how does all of this relate to a post about the bridge? What is the purpose of a bridge and why do we build them? Because of gaps! There is land here and land there and a gap in between. The gap can be a small one like the little bridge over the creek or maybe even a middle-sized one.

Or it may be a really big one to accommodate a mighty river or a huge canyon. My friends, I am rarely one to ask for prayers for myself but I am now asking for those of you that will, help to be my bridge over the troubled waters that are awaiting me.

source

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, 

though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.” 

~Psalm 46

It's that fear thing that I'm having trouble with. I know my God can heal me if it is in His will to do so.  And I thought that we were really being very careful to not push our plan too hard...but to patiently wait on God to see how He was leading the way. It really seemed like everything was coming together and we would soon be moving to Tennessee and building that farmhouse. Just like that, our hopes for the future were dashed! To say that we are confused by it all would be an understatement. I know that somewhere buried under all of this confusion, God has all of the answers.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. 
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; 
the flames will not set you ablaze.

~Isaiah 43:2

As I began writing this post, the song "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" by Simon and Garfunkle came to mind right away. I'm not sure what Paul Simon was going through when he penned the lyrics but I read somewhere that it was inspired by a single line from an old black gospel song...‘I’ll be your bridge over deep water if you trust in my name.’ It wouldn't take much to change out a few words and the song could be like reading one of the Psalms or a heartfelt song of worship.

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
I’m on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
When you’re down and out
When you’re on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I’ll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

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Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, 
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

~Joshua 1:9

I have already seen God working through these circumstances and have been overwhelmingly blessed by many...and I do know that He has a plan...I just wish He'd let me in on it! I'm impatient like that, are you? So I will keep writing on my little blog and update my situation as it goes along. As I stated earlier, I will have a biopsy on Wednesday and many more fun things later, I'm sure. But for now, tomorrow is Monday and off I will go to work as usual! Thank you so much for your prayers!

Like a bridge over troubled waters, God will ease your MY mind.

Much love,

Two Funerals

(Note: Please don't let the title discourage you.)
~
Two funerals in two days, two men generations apart in age...

 Michael had just turned 39 in June and Lonnie would have been 100 on December 31.

The way the two of them lived their lives couldn't have been more different.

I'll begin with Michael, who was good friend of our son.

He was two years ahead of Aaron in school but they had much in common,

including the love for anything with wheels, working on anything with wheels,

driving (fast) anything with wheels, and sadly, eventually falling into the clutches of alcoholism.

I met Michael for the first time when he came to our clinic for physical therapy.

His body had become ravaged from years of heavy drinking after the death of his father.

It was during that time that I also became acquainted with his mother,
a sweet sister-in-the-Lord who loved her son so very much.

Long story short, Michael's teenage son also became a patient over the last few years,

along with another family member so the therapist and I became quite close to the family.

(When you find a great physical therapist, word gets around :)
Michael reminded me of Aaron in so many ways.
His mother and I bonded right away over the similarities in our sons.

We prayed for each other...and for each others' boys.

Last Thursday, Aaron saw it on Facebook and called me.

After being in and out of hospitals the past few years, Michael had lost his battle.

I had just seen his mom several weeks earlier and she told me how much better he was doing,
both physically and spiritually and that he had been sober for a good while.

Now, on to Lonnie...

...a precious soul that my family had been blessed to know for nearly 24 years.

Just a few short weeks ago, Lonnie drove himself to church for the last time.
You heard me right...he drove himself to church...at 99 years young.
Scary, you might think but I'll tell you, he was probably a better driver than most younger folks.
As a widower, he lived alone and always looked like a million bucks...
regularly sporting a coat and tie, white hair perfectly combed, impeccable posture,
and walked with confidence in every step he took.
No one would ever guess the man's age if they didn't know him.
Lonnie had lived his life for the Lord and had been His faithful servant for over 70 years.

Many of you may have a "Lonnie" in your church, no doubt.

He was the kind of man who seemed to have a direct line to God,

one who was so filled with the fruits of the spirit that when you were in his presence,

it seemed like the world was a brighter place.

The Lord must have given him the gift of knowing who needed special prayer.

 Lonnie always had a special place in his heart for our Aaron, knowing a bit about his struggles.

Several months ago, during the time Aaron was at the Potter's Wheel, 

Lonnie (who always sat behind us at church) was asking about him, like he had often done.

He had no knowledge of his current situation at that time but then again, somehow he knew.

Here's what he said:

"The Lord woke me up in the middle of the night with Aaron on my mind. Now I don't know why, but I knew I needed to pray for him so I did...the Lord knows why and that's all that matters."

 ~

Fast forward several months...

 ...that certain soul in need which Lonnie was awakened to pray for was sitting on the pew,

 right in front of him and has been now for several months...
...that is until a couple of weeks ago when Lonnie suffered a heart attack.
His 99 year old ticker was worn out and just couldn't handle any more.
Last Friday, Lonnie stepped over into Glory to meet his Jesus.
What an extraordinary life!

Two funerals home-going celebrations in two days.
At Michael's service, we were made aware in no uncertain terms that for the past several months,
he had been getting reacquainted with Jesus...
...regularly meeting with his pastor, attending Bible study and praying.
His pastor spoke highly of him and he was well loved by many,
and I am guessing here,  but it looked like about 400-450 in attendance at his service.
There was not a doubt in the minds of anyone that he was in the arms of Jesus, in perfect health.
As Aaron and I sat there, I know he must have been thinking what I was thinking...
...that this service could have just as easily been for him.

And as for Lonnie, his life spoke for itself...there was never even a question.
We will dearly miss the echoes of his bold "Amens" and "Praise the Lords" during our services.
~
After getting the news of these two men passing away just a day apart,
I couldn't help but think about their contrasting lives.
Nothing about the two of them was like the other, except for one thing...
...they both had a friend in Jesus.
One had known him most of his life and the other had just recently met him.

Two men, six decades apart in age, living their lives on opposite ends of the spectrum.
Both, rejoicing in heaven today.

Only by grace.

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Unmerited Favor

Unmerited favor.

They are two words that seem to cause some confusion.

Is it grace or is it mercy?

After doing some reading, I realized that these two little words could start a theological debate. Shows how much I know...and that's not what this post is about. 

But I will share these few sentences from the article because I think it explains my post perfectly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Although they are similar expressions of his favor and love, they possess a clear distinction. 
When we experience God's grace, we receive favor that we do not deserve. 
When we experience God's mercy, we are spared punishment that we do deserve.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Our family was a witness to such "unmerited favor" just yesterday.

Anyone who follows my blog, no doubt has read about our son's struggle with alcohol.

You may have read about his brokenness, his road to recovery and his victories.

His life is being transformed, praise God, and I will not take one day of his sobriety for granted.

But as wonderful as all of this has been and still is,

we all knew the time would soon be coming to face the music.

The laws that were broken...that finally broke him...had to be dealt with in court.

So it has been a tense week in a couple of Ray households this week.

He was facing a minimum of 120 days in the county jail,
a place not fit for even the lowest of the low.
Prison would have been an improvement.

~

To say the least, the past nine months of Aaron's life have been quite different.

He has a daily walk with the Lord now and that has made all the difference in his life.

The time he spent at the Potter's Wheel has changed him into a new man,

 one I barely recognize at times...but I love it!

Yesterday, Aaron, accompanied by me and his dad, his fiance' Michelle, 

our pastor and five other friends (his and ours) met before court in the attorney's office.

Mr. Attorney took statements from each of us about our relationship with Aaron 

and told us that the judge (depending on who it was) may allow us to speak on his behalf. 

He also told us that never in his entire career, had he seen a client who had been so transformed

after going into a drug/alcohol treatment program.

He also cautioned us that the judge may not consider the time he spent there

towards any time served because it wasn't state funded.

He was preparing us for the worst case scenario.

Just sitting in the court room is enough to break your heart.

It's a revolving door, it seems...sad to see so many young people in trouble with the law.

They finally called out Aaron's name and it was time.

His line of supporters filled the first row of benches on both sides.

Mr. Attorney said what he said, Ms. Judge said what she said and then it was our turn.

One by one we stood and gave testimony to the goodness of God, 

about prayers being answered and the changes that we had all witnessed in his life.

Emotions were running strong and tears filled the eyes of nearly all of us. 

When asked if he would like to address the court, Aaron said he would.

He then turned and spoke first to each of us, thanking us for supporting him, tears streaming.

He then directed his comments to the others left in the court room.
(this is where it really gets good)

"If any of y'all out there have addictions with drugs and alcohol, 

you need to get Jesus in your life and let Him help you take care of it!"

~

The sentence was then pronounced...no jail time, but extended probation and monitoring,

as Ms. Judge and Ms. Assistant D.A. wiped a tear or two as well.

We had church right there in the courthouse!

Did he deserve more punishment? Yes...

...that's why it's called unmerited favor.

Grace? Yes.

Mercy? Absolutely.

Wonderful? Without a doubt.

... for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus...    Romans 3:23-24

~
I want to thank everyone who has been praying for my boy.

I appreciate your continued prayers for him as he meets each new day.
Much love to all of you!

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100 Days (and counting)

One. Hundred. Days.

When you compare it to a lifetime, it really isn't long at all.

Just a little over three months is a relatively short period of time for most of us, I'd say.
 

When you consider it is only 2400 hours, 144000 minutes and the seconds as they tick away...

...it's actually just a minute increment of time in the grand scheme of things.

However, when the 100 days (and counting) are relating to one's sobriety,
well...that's a different story entirely.

This past weekend we were reminded of that by our first born.
You should have heard how proud he was to be able to say those words!
One hundred days of sober living is quite an accomplishment,
especially when you can't remember how long it's been since you could make that statement.
~
He is at the half-way point in his program and learning so many good things.

He's learning how to love and forgive himself.

He's learning how to give and receive God's mercy and grace.

He's learning how to draw strength from Jesus to get him through...one day at a time.

He's learning how to do life a whole new way.

God is doing His thing and Aaron is doing his.
Thank you for your prayers, my friends.

Love,


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Broken

It isn't really worth much.

It's just a cheap ceramic mug purchased from Goodwill, made in China.
I look forward to getting it out and drinking from it every fall.
I think it's pretty and I really like the design.
And it holds a lot of of coffee! :)
~
One day a couple of weeks ago, I found it broken in my dishwasher.

I was going to throw it away...but then...



...super glue to the rescue!

It looks as good as new, right?
But if you look closely, you can see the cracks where it was mended.



Even after gluing it back together, I'm kind of afraid to use it now.
Funny thing is, it's probably stronger now than it was prior to the gluing.
 It actually does seem sturdy enough...
...but I have this image in my head of putting it to my lips...
...full of hot coffee...
...and the handle letting go.
~
I still consider it to be pretty fragile.
~
So what happens when people get broken?
Where is the super glue for them?
Sometimes they are broken beyond repair...or so it seems.
~
I am experiencing brokenness this week.
It's actually not me, quite so much...
...I know where to find the Super Glue that has put me back together more than once.
He goes by the name of Jesus.
~
Yesterday, Jim and I drove our oldest to a long-term Christ-based drug/alcohol treatment center.
He has been fighting his addiction to alcohol for half his life.
We pray that the next 8 months will help undo some of what the last 18 years have done...
to his mind...
to his spirit...
to his body...
to his very soul.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
~Psalm 34:18

Right now, he seems broken beyond repair.
Oh...but I know better!
He has a long road ahead to becoming whole and he will always have some cracks...
...cracks that will allow the addiction to seep back in... if he doesn't apply the glue.
The Super Glue.
And on a regular basis.
~
As with the broken coffee mug, it will be hard to trust that he can hold together...
...and to be able to contain everything that his life hands him...
...when the stresses of the day-to-day press down on him...
...those days when when he faces disappointments.
And those days will come.
He will be fragile for a long time, possibly for the rest of his life.
~
I pondered deeply whether or not to share this on my blog.
I would never want to exploit him or his issue in any way, at any cost.
But I have found through this network of blogging sisters,
I feel comfortable enough, knowing that you who are believers, will pray for him.
 ~
Prayer is a powerful thing, my friends.
 Thank you in advance for your prayers for Aaron.

He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 
~Colossians 1:17 

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Fear not...

Sometimes things happen to us that become learning experiences.

Or at least they should be.

I hope I've learned my lesson.

This is my Facebook post from last night.

I was home alone, as I am so many nights...

...I am used to that and I am never afraid to stay by myself.

Once I realized I was locked out, all kinds of thoughts were running through my head.

Poor little Oscar was in the house too.

And because it was so dark, that added to the fear frustration...

...or...should I just go ahead and admit it?

Fear.

Yes, I was beginning to feel real fear.

And just let me tell you, I would have had to feel a whole lot more fear 

before I would go knocking on a neighbor's door in my ratty, almost see-through nightgown!

Oh, if only you could have felt (and seen) my desperation...

...I was literally calling out for Jesus to help me...louder...and louder.

And after beating that poor door handle (which still works, actually) with the hammer,

I can't remember when I felt such a relief...and so safe.

Not safe in the sense that I was actually fearing for my life,

but safe in the arms of a Savior that cared about me...

...in the midst of my uncomfortable and unfortunate circumstances.

You might think it was silly of me to post this on facebook.

But I felt compelled to share it, to use it as a testament to show how God looks out for his kids.

How He cares about our every need.

Each and every one.

So after I posted it, not even five minutes later, this post from came through my news feed.

A coincidence you think?

I think not.

And the story wouldn't be complete until you see my final post of the evening...

Oh and let me assure you that the key that used to be hidden outside on the deck,

was replaced this morning :)

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 

“Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

Isaiah 41:13

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