Wearisome

Yeah, that'd be me.

I've been searching for just the right word and I think I found it.

Wearisome...the state of being weary.

I haven't had the drive to do too much of anything for the past week or so...

although some might say I should be jumping for joy.

But I'm not.

Why wouldn't I not be after my doctor told me last week that I won't be having surgery?
I mean, normally, those are good words to hear, right?

It's too dangerous, they say.

The stricture (narrowing in bile duct) is not in a good place to repair surgically,

but only as last resort, they say.

Once the surgery is done, there's no going back, they say.



So for the past two months I have been psyching myself into the reality of a major,

very invasive surgery to finally get it behind me.

Although I'm relieved that I won't have to spend a couple of months recovering,
the reason why I won't be has sent me down a path that I wasn't quite contemplating.

It seems that now I will be getting another stent placed that is supposed to last up to year.
 We'll see if this will be happening on a regular basis.



Why the change in plan all of a sudden?

I have said ever since I began this journey in January, that I implicitly trust my doctors.

And I still do.

But with everything that is in me, I am determined to trust God more.



Long story short, after a meeting of the minds, my doctors seemed to be in agreement
that it was best to maintain me with stents as long as possible.
I am really very thankful that my doctors wouldn't rush me into a dangerous surgery.

I am scheduled to have the new stent placed at the end of this month.
Our goal is that it lasts a year and will then either be left out and see how I do
or it will be exchanged for a new one.



So...where does that leave us...and our plans for the future?
Right where it always has...right where God leads us.
Right now we are planning (there's that word again) to get the house on the market by fall.
We feel it's time to forge ahead unless we hit another roadblock.
I will continue to be under my Duke doctor's care until (if) we get settled in TN.
Even after that, possibly, for a little while at least.



But the long and short of it comes down to this...I have asked my Father for a miracle.
It's as simple as that.

But no matter what happens, I plan to go along my merry way.
This wearisome business is for the birds...and I think a week of it has been enough!



So tomorrow is another day and the beginning of a brand new week...
...and the beginning of a brand new attitude. 😉

Until next time....

A room with a view...well, kinda.

This has been my view for the past five days....

...at least, from my standpoint...or laypoint, I guess I should say.

I raised up high enough at one point to see that I was somewhat mistaken.

I actually think the yellow Porta-Potties add a nice spring-like contrast, don't you?

(sorry for the horrid cell phone shots)

But at least I always knew what time it was.

It's fun to watch the minutes and hours tick by when you feel like crap are as sick as a dog, right?

NOTE:
Before I go any further with the story, 
I want to stop right here and apologize for not answering emails, 
replying to your comments or visiting your blogs. 
I guess you see that I have been just a bit preoccupied. 
I know that y'all have been praying for me and I HAVE FELT THOSE PRAYERS...
and the best part is THEY ARE WORKING!

So when I last left you, I was due to go in for the final dreaded biopsy #5.

And that, I did.

I pretty much knew it would the most invasive procedure that I had had so far.

Have mercy...it was.

It was an outpatient thing and I was home by late afternoon the same day (Tuesday).

Wednesday was really painful but by Thursday, the pain was beginning to subside somewhat.

I thought I was on the upswing.

Wrong.

Although the pain was better, I was very lethargic and just had an overall feeling of yuck.

I began noticing the jaundice a bit on Thursday evening and had pretty much decided that

Friday morning we were probably going to have to head 30 minutes down the highway for Duke ER.

Friends, let me tell you, I was as yellow as minion, including the whites of my eyes.

After several lo-o-o-ng hours, many lab tests and a CT scan, I was admitted.
Did you know that most insurance companies require you to spend at least six hours in the ER
before they will allow them to admit you?
SHHH...don't tell anyone...it's a secret...
If you ask them they will deny it...unless that is if you are a trauma case.

My bilirubin level was dangerously high...the normal level for an adult is somewhere around 1.2 milligrams per deciliter (whatever that means)...mine was 19.4.

So you know those consent forms that we have to sign before having any kind of procedure?

There's always a potential risk and our anatomies are all unique as well...

BUT...and it's a BIG BUT...



...here's the absolute BEST NEWS YET...

...that last biopsy from he## that made me so sick also was NEGATIVE, PEOPLE!!!!!

Although I know that my God has always had this...and still does,

I'd be lying if I said I haven't had my share of doubts.
Being human has that effect on us, doesn't it?

By Sunday, St. Paddy's Day, I was feeling so much better and getting back to my old self...

...taking advantage of anything I could find to make the time pass more quickly.

My bilirubin level dramatically decreased over the weekend...

...on Saturday it had already come down to 7 and by Sunday, down to a 3.9.

I had been scheduled on Monday for an endoscopic procedure to see how things were looking

but the results of my labs were so much better than anticipated and it was cancelled...YAY!

Also, the CT results showed that the so called tumor had not grown in size at all...YAY!

On Monday morning, the BIG DOG doctor came to pay me a visit.

He just shook his head with when he saw me...in a good way, of course.

Just a month earlier he was sure it was cancer.

He told us that among the hundreds of patients he sees every year,

he might get two, maybe three tough nuts to crack like me among them. 

So finally it seems we are now looking at the autoimmune pancreatitis (AIP) diagnosis,

the one that we have all been hoping and have prayed so hard for.

Autoimmune disease is when your own body doesn't play nice with other parts of itself.

Now, I wonder what in the world my pancreas and biliary system ever did to deserve such a thing?!

But you know what?

Even before the day I made the journey from my mother's womb into this life,

my Lord had already decided exactly how this body that He created would function...or not.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139: 13-14

So yesterday I began a short course of steroids which is the treatment for this AIP.

Hopefully, it won't be long before the "tumor" shrinks and I'll be good again.

But whenever I begin to look like this, it's time to stop...no matter what.

~

So I'm home, I'm feeling so much better and I'm looking forward to proceeding (with caution)

to a future filled with hope, dreams and many more of God's blessings!

Love to all, 

A tough nut to crack...apparently.

A tough nut to crack:
a problem that is challenging to solve.
~ 

Whenever I hear that expression, "a tough nut to crack",

I immediately form a picture in my brain of the Christmases of my childhood.

My mom had this big wooden bowl that she got out specifically to fill with a variety of nuts

and it was of course accompanied by a couple of nutcrackers.

source

For a little girl, it was not always easy to crack them, some more so than others.

I never really got much joy out that particular holiday treat...it was too much work!

And while we're on the subject...just for fun...

...do you happen to know which nut is among the hardest to crack?

Apparently, it's the macadamia nut...I don't recall even knowing about them back then.

It says here that it takes 300 pounds of pressure per square inch to be exact,

making the Macadamia the hardest nut in the world to crack!

(just thought I'd throw that in) 

~

So I figure that you may be wondering about what's up with me since I've been a little absent

from Blogland for the past couple of weeks.

It seems like every week I have another procedure and I just haven't found the time,

nor have I been very inspired to post anything, much less, another non-update.
They are all sounding a bit boring and repetitive...another biopsy, inconclusive, non-diagnostic...

If I seem to sound a bit tired of all of this, you just might be right.

BUT...

* I am thankful for a group of caring doctors who seem to stop at nothing to get a proper diagnosis.

* I am thankful for the many dear friends and the prayers being spoken on my behalf.

* I am very thankful for a devoted husband who has been there with me during every appointment.

* I am also thankful for a loving family, all Christ-followers, who believe in miracles.

* I am SO very thankful for NO CANCER (so far) to be found.

* And I am MOST thankful for my JESUS who is keeping me sane throughout this whole ordeal!


source

Aren't these little guys cute?

source

So here's the latest...

The needle core biopsy (through my back) that was done last Wednesday was "non-diagnostic".

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I will have biopsy #5...also performed by an interventional radiologist...

a procedure resembling a cardiac catheterization except the catheter will be going into my bile duct.

They say this will be the last one.

I think I remember hearing those words before.😕

~

Sooo....there you have it...

...I am enduring all of this poking and prodding pretty well, if I do say so myself.

I'm pretty tough.

And unfortunately, a pretty tough nut to crack.

I'm thinking about changing my name to Mac...

...short for Macadamia.

😉

A Strawberry Flavored Medley

Welcome to the last week of February.....really??

~

So it finally stopped raining...

...these flowers sure have helped brighten up things around here this past week.

Like so many other areas, we've had enough rain here to last us for a very long time.

The sun finally came out on Sunday afternoon and the last couple of days have been lovely!

Even I, the lover of rainy days, was getting my fill.

I guess I better soak up all the sunshine I can since more is on the way.
~
As you may remember, I underwent my third biopsy last week.
This time, I had the report in just two days and the results were very encouraging.
The doctor who did my procedure said she didn't think it looked like cancer, but inflammation,
and the report below came from the cytologist who tested the samples.

Of course were very relieved to get these result, still being a bit cautiously optimistic.
Dr. Allen still believes this is most likely a malignancy, not wanting to give false hope.
He also told us that he wants to be proven wrong.
And if you are relying on statistics, it is the most probable diagnosis.

BUT...my God is bigger and smarter than statistics!
.
One more biopsy (a different approach this time) will be scheduled very soon.
If this one doesn't prove cancer, I will likely begin a short course of steroids.
If the "tumor" shrinks with the steroids, then inflammation will be proven as well.
Autoimmune pancreatitis is when your body, for reasons unknown, attack it's own pancreas.
It's quite rare and often disguises itself as a malignant tumor, appearing as such on CT and MRI.
It is also very difficult to diagnose...thus the many biopsies.
So I say biopsy the heck out of me...as long as they don't miss any cancer!

I saw this meme on Facebook and immediately related it to what's going on in my life. 

In order for the Lord to give us the desires of our heart, we need to be willing to wait on them.

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.

For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

Isaiah 30:18

~

So I was all prepared to put out a plea to help our dear friend, Diane of Lavender Dreams.

Most of you already know that her lovely blog was removed for reasons unknown...

...but the good news is SHE GOT IT BACK, praise the Lord!

It's quite a mystery as to why this happened but the important thing is that she has her blog back!

I had not backed up my blog since I've been blogging...nearly six years.

Well, guess who's blog is all backed up now??

So today on the Wednesday Medley, Terri tells us that it is...

NATIONAL STRAWBERRY DAY

Hop on over to the Medley, copy and paste her questions to your own blog, 

plug in your answers, and link up!

You just might find out something you didn't know before. 😉

Terri writes...

We continue with February’s heart-shaped and red theme by observing National Strawberry Day on February 27. These juicy, sweet berries can brighten up any dish and are delicious all on their own.

There are a few different stories behind the origin of the name. The more widely accepted version is that the berries would drop off the leaves and become “strewn” about the plant. Overtime “strewn-berries” became “strawberries”. There was a time (and some gardeners still do this today) when strawberry beds were mulched with straw, insulating the plants over the winter, keeping weeds at bay during the growing season and making them easier to harvest. Another sweet story tells of English children stringing the berries on grass straws and selling the “straw berries” in their neighborhoods.

Not only are they delicious, but they are also fragrant. One of the more aromatic fruits, they belong to the rose family.

Strawberries are grown in nearly every corner of the Earth (if the Earth had corners) except for her most frozen southern and northern reaches. Along with all these possible locations, there are over 600 varieties of strawberries as well.

An excellent source of Vitamin C, strawberries are also a good source of folic acid, potassium and fiber. At 55 calories and zero fat in 1 cup, these sweet things hit the spot when a snack time is calling!

HOW TO OBSERVE

While the best season for strawberries is from late April to August, now might be a good time to scout out strawberry festivals and pick-your-own farms or plan to plant your own strawberry patch. Imagine sitting in your very own patch eating sun-warmed, sweet berries you picked or even grew yourself under clear blue skies.

BERRY PICKING TIPS:

• Pick fully ripe berries. Strawberries don’t continue to ripen if picked too early like bananas or pears.
• Don’t overfill your container. Berries are tender and can bruise easily.
• Don’t wash the fruit until you are ready to eat. Strawberries are susceptible to mold and washing will speed up spoilage.
• The best time to pick strawberries is on cool, cloudy days, but if they will be eaten right away, any time is perfect!
• If you pick more than you can eat before they spoil, strawberries freeze very well. Pluck off the green caps and toss into a freezer bag. Use for smoothies, ice cream or cake toppings.

HISTORY

Within our research, we were unable to identify the creator of National Strawberry Day. It is listed as an American Food Holiday.

1.  Given all that information on this 🍓National Strawberry Day🍓, do you have a favorite recipe for strawberries?  Would you share it with us?

Who needs a recipe? I like mine just like this...  

 

...that's a real humdinger, isn't it? Or how about this one? 

No real recipe here...if I remember correctly, this was my red, white and blue dessert last July 4th.

Again, no recipe needed...

...but since you asked for one...

Strawberry-Pretzel Salad

(click here for recipe)

2.  Some people think the smaller, northern varieties are sweeter than the larger berries that grow in the south and in California.  What are your thoughts on that?

I agree, the strawberries that you buy in the stores usually don't even compare to the locally grown ones. "Bigger is better" is usually not the case when it comes to strawberries. Every now and then you can get lucky but if they look white inside, you can pretty much count on them tasting like mushy cardboard... no thank you.

3.  There is a Strawberry Festival right here in Plant City, Florida (next town over from Lakeland) and it is a huge event that lasts 11 days with headliner acts each day.  Have you ever been to a Strawberry Festival?

There are many cities who have their own brand of Strawberry Festivals, one being in a town close to where I grew up in Troy, Ohio. I know it lasts for several days but I don't have any memories of attending it. My sister still lives there and I'm pretty sure she has been to a few of them over the years.

4.  Strawberries are grown in every US state.  Have you ever grown them in your garden?

I have never attempted to grow them in a garden of my own but I'd like to give it a try one day.

5.  Strawberry is the only fruit that has seeds on the outside, and technically it is not a berry but rather a fruit, and would you be surprised to learn that strawberries belong to the rose family?  Do you have any strawberry trivia to share with us?

Well, it seems I learn something new every day...I did not know that the strawberry belonged to the rose family! Did you know that folklore states that if you split a double strawberry in half and share it with the opposite sex, you'll soon fall in love? I didn't either...thanks, Google! 😉

6.  Tell us something random about your week!!

I am looking forward to getting into this book that I received in the mail yesterday. My pastor's wife will be leading a ladies small group starting this Sunday afternoon and this is the subject of our study. I took one look at the title and knew I was all in. Did I ever tell you that I don't believe in coincidences?

I know I keep saying this but I'll say it again...

thank you SO MUCH for your prayers!

Much love,

Testing...testing...and trusting.

Hello friends and happy Wednesday...

I trust that all of you in the midst of this Polar Vortex are keeping toasty warm!
Anyone ready for spring??
~
So I have a bit of an update on my condition but it is still very much in the testing phase.
I am trying not to share too much, too soon, but I have had some encouraging news!
My first biopsy and PET scan seem to be showing a lot of inflammation on and around the pancreas...
...no malignancy from what they can tell so far!!
I had vials and vials of blood taken last Friday...testing for any hidden cancers anywhere.
I am still waiting for the results...some of them take days.
But I do know that I will be having another biopsy, possibly a surgical one next time.
The team was to discuss my case yesterday (Tuesday) and decide what's next.
After ruling out any malignancy, they will be focusing on the pancreatitis and how to treat it.
It's a good feeling when you hear the oncologist say that he may not be seeing you again!
Let me just say that I am praising God and trusting Him in the midst of all of this uncertainty.
And I thank you for the emails, cards and continued prayers!



Here is my little "faith cluster" I have started on the side of my fridge.
I am so thankful for these encouraging reminders that some of you have sent to me.

I have no doubt that the Lord has me in the palm of His hand!
~
So let us get to the Wednesday Medley, shall we?
Head on over to Terri's blog, copy the questions, paste them to your blog and answer them!



NATIONAL CROISSANT DAY – January 30

In the United States, National Croissant Day is observed each year on January 30th. Croissants are a buttery, crescent-shaped rolls that are crispy on the outside and soft on the inside.  

The key to a perfect croissant is laminating the dough. Laminating the dough is a process by which butter is folded into the mixture creating multiple thin layers of butter and dough. The result is a mouth-watering flaky crust and airy body.

Legend surrounds this pastry, as is often the case with a popular, worldly treat. What is known, is that crescent-shaped breads have been found around the world for ages. One of these was the Kipferl which originated in Austria as far back as the 13th century. This nonlaminated bread is more like a roll.

Credit for the croissant we know today is given to an Austrian military officer, August Zang. In 1939 he opened a Viennese bakery in Paris introducing France to Viennese baking techniques.

HOW TO OBSERVE

Stop by the bakery for a fresh, warm croissant or try making your own using this recipe: Croissants recipe.

1.  Well, I do love croissants when they are fresh, but day-old croissants need to be turned into a donut.  I happen to really like the croissants that have a donut-like glaze on them!  Sugar overload but so good.  So... do you like croissants?  What is your favorite way to eat them?

Well, there's no doubt that I do love me a great croissant and I have never turned one into a doughnut...although that sounds pretty darn tasty. If I were to eat a croissant, it would be a fresh one with a yummy, chunky chicken salad sandwiched in between. I will say that just because I love them doesn't mean I eat them regularly...in fact, I can't remember the last time I had one...and if my diagnosis is what they are thinking, they most likely will not be on my diet. 😩

2.  Speaking of food... How do you handle stress?

My first thought would be "by eating" but that is really not the truth. I would pray first and ask the Lord to give me peace about whatever the situation is...and then I would eat. 😉 

3.  Out of the negative emotions of greed, anger, jealousy, and hate, which one would you say affects you the most?

All of the above. I believe that any of them can ultimately lead to hatred. As far as how they affect me...I do my best to not let the actions of others dictate my life. I really just pray for those people and situations that I have no control over and let the Lord handle it.

4.  Out of the positive emotions of compassion, positivity, enthusiasm, and initiative, which one is your biggest strength?

I would say positivity and enthusiasm would be my strengths...but my constant prayer is that the Lord would give me more of a compassionate heart. I don't think we can ever really have enough compassion. 

5.  What do you get every time you go grocery shopping, other than the staples such as bread, milk, butter, flour, sugar...

Since it's just me and Jim, there are very few things that I have to buy every week. It used to be eggs...until I lost the taste for them...for some reason, I can hardly eat them now. The only other things I can think of would be a roll of paper towels or maybe half & half for Jim's coffee. Since Jim is away from home half the week, I don't do a lot of cooking. Yay me!

6.  Please tell us something random about your week so far.

This is the sky from last night...it was absolutely breathtaking. I went out to snap a couple of photos and I was totally overwhelmed. God is so, so GOOD!

Bridging the Gap

Hello my dear friends!

I do hope that your journey into 2019 has gotten off to a good start. As for mine...well, let me just say it looks like there will very well be a few twists and turns...even a pothole or two...or a huge chasm in need of a bridge.

Remember I said I'd share with you some recent progress on the Tennessee property? Well, that is what this post was supposed to be about...yes, we have a bridge! I started to write this post before Christmas with the intent of sharing just that...and here it is...no more wading across or riding the four-wheeler across the creek...unless you want to, that is.

But sometimes, just when we think we have a good handle on the plan God has for us, well...

we just don't!

For the past couple of months, I have been feeling a little not-so-great...episodes of nausea, mid-back pain, chills...more often than not it seemed. There were also some other choice symptoms that we don't need to go into. 😒 A couple of weeks ago I experienced what I thought could be a kidney stone. The episode was short-lived but I had already made an appointment with my doctor so I kept it. All lab work was normal and my pain was gone but she wanted me to get a CT of my kidney and abdomen ASAP. I left her office and went straight to the hospital for the scan. The next day after the results were read, I was scheduled for an MRI, ordered STAT...that's more than a little bit scary on it's own. The CT had shown a spot on my pancreas that wasn't on a previous CT that I had at the end of last October, only two months earlier. So earlier this week, I met with my GI doctor to explain the results to me. The news hit me like a brick up the side of my head. I apparently have a tumor growing on the outside of the back side of my pancreas, thus the back pain. And not the typical place for pancreatic cancer to grow. The chance of malignancy is quite great, but there is a slight chance it is not. The blood test for a certain cancer marker rated only a 1...which could have been in the 100s or even 1000s! It is possible that what is growing could be an abscess which could also be detected by the cancer marker test. So that is what I'm clinging to until I hear the results of the biopsy that I will be having this coming Wednesday. Because the tumor is growing around the two main arteries that go up into the liver, it is not in a place that is operable and could only be treated with chemo if it is indeed cancerous.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

~Proverbs 3:5-6 

Telling Jim, our boys and the rest of the family and loved ones has been a surreal experience. Were those words really coming out of my mouth? There is no real way to describe the feeling. So the past few days have been a whirlwind of meeting with the oncologist, ordering more tests and trying to let the reality of whatever this thing is sink in. Of course I don't have all of the information yet, but if it is malignant, I will most likely start chemo by the end of the month.

So why am I telling you all my business anyway? Because I think that many of us here in Blogland are connected at the heart...maybe even kindred spirits if you will...and we care deeply for each other. Many of you have prayed for me and my son, Aaron, and those prayers have been felt...God has done and is still doing wondrous things! I have prayed for many of you as well. That's what friends who put their faith in the Lord do, right? We intercede for each other when it's hard to even mouth the words, ourselves.

So how does all of this relate to a post about the bridge? What is the purpose of a bridge and why do we build them? Because of gaps! There is land here and land there and a gap in between. The gap can be a small one like the little bridge over the creek or maybe even a middle-sized one.

Or it may be a really big one to accommodate a mighty river or a huge canyon. My friends, I am rarely one to ask for prayers for myself but I am now asking for those of you that will, help to be my bridge over the troubled waters that are awaiting me.

source

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change, 

though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.” 

~Psalm 46

It's that fear thing that I'm having trouble with. I know my God can heal me if it is in His will to do so.  And I thought that we were really being very careful to not push our plan too hard...but to patiently wait on God to see how He was leading the way. It really seemed like everything was coming together and we would soon be moving to Tennessee and building that farmhouse. Just like that, our hopes for the future were dashed! To say that we are confused by it all would be an understatement. I know that somewhere buried under all of this confusion, God has all of the answers.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. 
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; 
the flames will not set you ablaze.

~Isaiah 43:2

As I began writing this post, the song "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" by Simon and Garfunkle came to mind right away. I'm not sure what Paul Simon was going through when he penned the lyrics but I read somewhere that it was inspired by a single line from an old black gospel song...‘I’ll be your bridge over deep water if you trust in my name.’ It wouldn't take much to change out a few words and the song could be like reading one of the Psalms or a heartfelt song of worship.

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
I’m on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
When you’re down and out
When you’re on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I’ll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

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Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, 
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

~Joshua 1:9

I have already seen God working through these circumstances and have been overwhelmingly blessed by many...and I do know that He has a plan...I just wish He'd let me in on it! I'm impatient like that, are you? So I will keep writing on my little blog and update my situation as it goes along. As I stated earlier, I will have a biopsy on Wednesday and many more fun things later, I'm sure. But for now, tomorrow is Monday and off I will go to work as usual! Thank you so much for your prayers!

Like a bridge over troubled waters, God will ease your MY mind.

Much love,