Wearisome

Yeah, that'd be me.

I've been searching for just the right word and I think I found it.

Wearisome...the state of being weary.

I haven't had the drive to do too much of anything for the past week or so...

although some might say I should be jumping for joy.

But I'm not.

Why wouldn't I not be after my doctor told me last week that I won't be having surgery?
I mean, normally, those are good words to hear, right?

It's too dangerous, they say.

The stricture (narrowing in bile duct) is not in a good place to repair surgically,

but only as last resort, they say.

Once the surgery is done, there's no going back, they say.



So for the past two months I have been psyching myself into the reality of a major,

very invasive surgery to finally get it behind me.

Although I'm relieved that I won't have to spend a couple of months recovering,
the reason why I won't be has sent me down a path that I wasn't quite contemplating.

It seems that now I will be getting another stent placed that is supposed to last up to year.
 We'll see if this will be happening on a regular basis.



Why the change in plan all of a sudden?

I have said ever since I began this journey in January, that I implicitly trust my doctors.

And I still do.

But with everything that is in me, I am determined to trust God more.



Long story short, after a meeting of the minds, my doctors seemed to be in agreement
that it was best to maintain me with stents as long as possible.
I am really very thankful that my doctors wouldn't rush me into a dangerous surgery.

I am scheduled to have the new stent placed at the end of this month.
Our goal is that it lasts a year and will then either be left out and see how I do
or it will be exchanged for a new one.



So...where does that leave us...and our plans for the future?
Right where it always has...right where God leads us.
Right now we are planning (there's that word again) to get the house on the market by fall.
We feel it's time to forge ahead unless we hit another roadblock.
I will continue to be under my Duke doctor's care until (if) we get settled in TN.
Even after that, possibly, for a little while at least.



But the long and short of it comes down to this...I have asked my Father for a miracle.
It's as simple as that.

But no matter what happens, I plan to go along my merry way.
This wearisome business is for the birds...and I think a week of it has been enough!



So tomorrow is another day and the beginning of a brand new week...
...and the beginning of a brand new attitude. 😉

Until next time....

A room with a view...well, kinda.

This has been my view for the past five days....

...at least, from my standpoint...or laypoint, I guess I should say.

I raised up high enough at one point to see that I was somewhat mistaken.

I actually think the yellow Porta-Potties add a nice spring-like contrast, don't you?

(sorry for the horrid cell phone shots)

But at least I always knew what time it was.

It's fun to watch the minutes and hours tick by when you feel like crap are as sick as a dog, right?

NOTE:
Before I go any further with the story, 
I want to stop right here and apologize for not answering emails, 
replying to your comments or visiting your blogs. 
I guess you see that I have been just a bit preoccupied. 
I know that y'all have been praying for me and I HAVE FELT THOSE PRAYERS...
and the best part is THEY ARE WORKING!

So when I last left you, I was due to go in for the final dreaded biopsy #5.

And that, I did.

I pretty much knew it would the most invasive procedure that I had had so far.

Have mercy...it was.

It was an outpatient thing and I was home by late afternoon the same day (Tuesday).

Wednesday was really painful but by Thursday, the pain was beginning to subside somewhat.

I thought I was on the upswing.

Wrong.

Although the pain was better, I was very lethargic and just had an overall feeling of yuck.

I began noticing the jaundice a bit on Thursday evening and had pretty much decided that

Friday morning we were probably going to have to head 30 minutes down the highway for Duke ER.

Friends, let me tell you, I was as yellow as minion, including the whites of my eyes.

After several lo-o-o-ng hours, many lab tests and a CT scan, I was admitted.
Did you know that most insurance companies require you to spend at least six hours in the ER
before they will allow them to admit you?
SHHH...don't tell anyone...it's a secret...
If you ask them they will deny it...unless that is if you are a trauma case.

My bilirubin level was dangerously high...the normal level for an adult is somewhere around 1.2 milligrams per deciliter (whatever that means)...mine was 19.4.

So you know those consent forms that we have to sign before having any kind of procedure?

There's always a potential risk and our anatomies are all unique as well...

BUT...and it's a BIG BUT...



...here's the absolute BEST NEWS YET...

...that last biopsy from he## that made me so sick also was NEGATIVE, PEOPLE!!!!!

Although I know that my God has always had this...and still does,

I'd be lying if I said I haven't had my share of doubts.
Being human has that effect on us, doesn't it?

By Sunday, St. Paddy's Day, I was feeling so much better and getting back to my old self...

...taking advantage of anything I could find to make the time pass more quickly.

My bilirubin level dramatically decreased over the weekend...

...on Saturday it had already come down to 7 and by Sunday, down to a 3.9.

I had been scheduled on Monday for an endoscopic procedure to see how things were looking

but the results of my labs were so much better than anticipated and it was cancelled...YAY!

Also, the CT results showed that the so called tumor had not grown in size at all...YAY!

On Monday morning, the BIG DOG doctor came to pay me a visit.

He just shook his head with when he saw me...in a good way, of course.

Just a month earlier he was sure it was cancer.

He told us that among the hundreds of patients he sees every year,

he might get two, maybe three tough nuts to crack like me among them. 

So finally it seems we are now looking at the autoimmune pancreatitis (AIP) diagnosis,

the one that we have all been hoping and have prayed so hard for.

Autoimmune disease is when your own body doesn't play nice with other parts of itself.

Now, I wonder what in the world my pancreas and biliary system ever did to deserve such a thing?!

But you know what?

Even before the day I made the journey from my mother's womb into this life,

my Lord had already decided exactly how this body that He created would function...or not.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139: 13-14

So yesterday I began a short course of steroids which is the treatment for this AIP.

Hopefully, it won't be long before the "tumor" shrinks and I'll be good again.

But whenever I begin to look like this, it's time to stop...no matter what.

~

So I'm home, I'm feeling so much better and I'm looking forward to proceeding (with caution)

to a future filled with hope, dreams and many more of God's blessings!

Love to all, 

A tough nut to crack...apparently.

A tough nut to crack:
a problem that is challenging to solve.
~ 

Whenever I hear that expression, "a tough nut to crack",

I immediately form a picture in my brain of the Christmases of my childhood.

My mom had this big wooden bowl that she got out specifically to fill with a variety of nuts

and it was of course accompanied by a couple of nutcrackers.

source

For a little girl, it was not always easy to crack them, some more so than others.

I never really got much joy out that particular holiday treat...it was too much work!

And while we're on the subject...just for fun...

...do you happen to know which nut is among the hardest to crack?

Apparently, it's the macadamia nut...I don't recall even knowing about them back then.

It says here that it takes 300 pounds of pressure per square inch to be exact,

making the Macadamia the hardest nut in the world to crack!

(just thought I'd throw that in) 

~

So I figure that you may be wondering about what's up with me since I've been a little absent

from Blogland for the past couple of weeks.

It seems like every week I have another procedure and I just haven't found the time,

nor have I been very inspired to post anything, much less, another non-update.
They are all sounding a bit boring and repetitive...another biopsy, inconclusive, non-diagnostic...

If I seem to sound a bit tired of all of this, you just might be right.

BUT...

* I am thankful for a group of caring doctors who seem to stop at nothing to get a proper diagnosis.

* I am thankful for the many dear friends and the prayers being spoken on my behalf.

* I am very thankful for a devoted husband who has been there with me during every appointment.

* I am also thankful for a loving family, all Christ-followers, who believe in miracles.

* I am SO very thankful for NO CANCER (so far) to be found.

* And I am MOST thankful for my JESUS who is keeping me sane throughout this whole ordeal!


source

Aren't these little guys cute?

source

So here's the latest...

The needle core biopsy (through my back) that was done last Wednesday was "non-diagnostic".

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I will have biopsy #5...also performed by an interventional radiologist...

a procedure resembling a cardiac catheterization except the catheter will be going into my bile duct.

They say this will be the last one.

I think I remember hearing those words before.😕

~

Sooo....there you have it...

...I am enduring all of this poking and prodding pretty well, if I do say so myself.

I'm pretty tough.

And unfortunately, a pretty tough nut to crack.

I'm thinking about changing my name to Mac...

...short for Macadamia.

😉

And then there were seven.

He was just one week shy of turning twenty and already serving in the Air Force

stationed in South Carolina when I came along.

He came home as often as he could but South Carolina soon became his permanent home.
My first memories of him, although somewhat faint due to the fact that I was only three or four,
was when he would pick me up, balance me in the palm of one big hand
and extend me up to the ceiling, all the while chanting, "Way up high! Way up high!
I can also remember Mom offering this warning..."Now, Bob, you be careful with her!!"
Funny thing is, later on he performed this trick many times with his own three little girls.
~*~
 I remember looking forward with great anticipation to his arrival when we were expecting a visit.
You could find me perched at the window that faced the end of our road throughout the day,
not putting into perspective the 13+ hour drive it took to make it to Ohio.
What does a little kid know about perspective, anyway?
~*~
 Back then I called him Bobby and he called me Little Sis.
Later on, he was just Big Brother and I was Dee-bor-AHHH.
He had a nickname for just about everyone and mine was his quite unique interpretation of Deborah.
The name stuck with me all throughout my life and if he would have felt up to it,
I'm sure he would have called me that when I saw him a few weeks ago.



Judging by the shirt (and the wallpaper) this photo was surely taken the same day as the first one.
These are my other two brothers, Jerry on the guitar and Doug on the fiddle.
Music has played a huge part in our lives and you could always find a collection
 of stringed instruments stashed here and there throughout the house.
They say it all began with our dad although the only instrument I ever heard him play
was the harmonica, which he called the french harp.



Fast forward to what looks like the 70's (above) and sometime in the 80's (below).



This is one thing the Billheimer brothers were kind of famous for...well, maybe not exactly famous.
Now, I don't know how to play either one of these but I can only imagine how difficult it might be to strum someone else's guitar with one hand and chord another's mandolin with your other hand...
...all at the same time!

The video above was taken several years ago at one of our reunions.

They really all can sing quite well but this is just an example of their crazy shenanigans.



Group photos through the years...

He wasn't able to be with us for the past two reunions.
Cancer that he thought was behind him returned, this time with vengeance.
He fought the good fight until he just wasn't able to fight anymore.

Last Wednesday, August 30, his three beautiful daughters were given the gift
of singing him into glory.

It's really kind of difficult to wrap my brain around—losing a sibling.

I've tried to imagine what it would be like, especially since all of us are getting up there.

Although, due to miles, we weren't able to be together as often as we would have liked, 

our moments together as a family were such blessed times.

~*~

Over the past several weeks I am learning that one of the greatest losses in life

surely must be the death of a brother or sister...

 ...and many of us will have to face the loss of a sibling more than once.

Our siblings share many of the same memories and family history 

and when one of them passes away, 

they take one of our connections to the past with them.

My family and I miss him so very much already, 

yet we are rejoicing that he is with the One that he had served for so many years.

So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. For we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8

~*~

So I want to say "thank you" for the sweet and kind words of condolence

and particularly for the prayers for me and my family.

You all are the best.

Much love,

Taking a little break...

The past several days have been a whirlwind of changes...

...some anticipated, some not so much.

~*~

A sudden recurrence of an old medical issue paid me a visit 

which sent me to the ER on Sunday, at which time I was admitted.

A couple of procedures and as many days later, 

I am back home and feeling well again...Praise the Lord!

~*~

I had been anticipating a break soon but just received this news a few moments ago... 

...my brother seems to have started his journey home.

It doesn't appear that it will be long now at all before he sees His Jesus, face to face.

~*~

Thank you all for your love and prayers.

Prayers for Kelly-Anne

 

Hello friends.

 

The Lord has put it on my heart to share this most urgent need for prayer.

Many of you may have already heard this news but for those of you who haven't

 and follow Kelly-Anne's blog, The Diary of a Country Girl,

(and for those who currently do not)

it is with great sadness but yet with great hope that I share this request.

~

Last Wednesday, Kelly-Anne and her family's home and farm was consumed by a terrible fire

that was raging out of control where she resides in South Africa.

There has also been loss of life, including some, very close to her family.

Thousands have been left homeless.

You can read her accounts of this horrific ordeal here and here.

You can read a local news report about the devastation here.

What she has shared is utterly heartbreaking but her faith is unshaken!

~

For those of you who aren't familiar with Kelly-Anne,

she is a lovely 18 year old young woman who has been blogging since she was 12 years of age.

Her family consists of six younger sisters and a darling baby brother who just turned one.

According to her newest update, which you can read here,

she and her family are currently in a borrowed home until July 10 or so.

Can you just imagine?

After reading this most current update, it was really a blessing to hear such hope in her post!

 

For he himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you."

(Hebrews 13:5c)

 

 

Ever since I read about this tragedy, my heart has been so heavy.

Why is this?

Kelly-Anne lives thousands of miles away and we have never met and most likely never will.

You know, in blog land, miles may separate us but once we become long-distance friends,

some how, some way, we are connected...

...at least that's the way I feel about it.

I, as well as my family have been on the receiving end of your prayers and I have felt them!

~

So please, if you think about it,

please lift up sweet Kelly-Anne and her family in prayer.

The way I see it, sending our prayers and encouragement is better than sending money or clothing...

...actually it is the best kind of help anyone can receive! 

~

Hugs and blessings to all,

Seeking...

But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray. ~Luke 5:16

Blessings,

Sharing at:

Spiritual Sundays
Sharing His Beauty

A Thanksgiving Day Prayer

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, 

since as members of one body you were called to peace. 

And be thankful.

Colossians 3:15

A Thanksgiving Day Prayer
~Scott Wesemann

Lord, so often times, as any other day
When we sit down to our meal and pray

We hurry along and make fast the blessing

Thanks, amen. Now please pass the dressing

We're slaves to the olfactory overload

We must rush our prayer before the food gets cold

But Lord, I'd like to take a few minute more

To really give thanks to what I'm thankful for

For my family, my health, a nice soft bed

My friends, my freedom, a roof over my head

I'm thankful right now to be surrounded by those

Whose lives touch me more than they'll ever possibly know

Thankful Lord, that You've blessed me beyond measure

Thankful that in my heart lives life's greatest treasure

That You, dear Jesus, reside in that place

And I'm ever so grateful for Your unending grace

So please, heavenly Father, bless this food You've provided

And bless each and every person invited

Amen!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving Day!